in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
