Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
