Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
