don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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