you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
