Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
