I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
