Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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