i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
