When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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