every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
