TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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