Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
