youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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