oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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