I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
