I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Randomize
