Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
