i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
