You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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