Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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