Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
