wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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