Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
