drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
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I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
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I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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