I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize