i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
