it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
where are my eyebrows?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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