Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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