Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
