They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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