do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
