i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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