Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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