i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
