Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
