i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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