I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
