and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
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Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
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i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.