If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?