I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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