It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
