how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
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im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
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If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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