i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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