First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
A+ Viking dick
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
