Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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