So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
