Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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