I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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