I am full of burrito and curiosity
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
