So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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