I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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