Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
