Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
