see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Oh god it's open bar.
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