Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
