hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
