She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
