Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
