my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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