I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
