well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
