i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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