I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
