After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
