In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
