I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i think i just lost a toe
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
