I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
