I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize